Marriage Assassins

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 

The number one assassin that will kill your marriage if you don’t watch out is selfishness. Selfishness is a preoccupation with you. “I must have this” and “I have to have my way, I don’t care what you want. I could care less what you think, I’m going to have what I want.” All you think about is how to get what you want. When all you do is concentrate on what you’re not getting out of the marriage, you better look out! An assassin has gotten in there, and he’ll kill your marriage if you don’t deal with it. Nobody has ever gotten a divorce because of worrying about what their spouse needs.  

The second assassin is immaturity. Young boys get married and don’t realize that their wives are more important than hunting, shooting a basketball, or hanging out with the boys. Many times, young women want to pout and storm off instead of staying and resolving a conflict when they get their feelings hurt. Maturity says, “Well, we’ve got a problem, but we are going to calm down and think rationally and work it out together.” So many marriages are destroyed simply because people don’t want to grow up. You can no longer behave like a child when you get married. You must be considerate of each other. You must also learn to forgive quickly. Unforgiveness is not an option in marriage. Stop playing games. Don’t get into power struggles. You have a responsibility to love and care for this human being “for as long as you both shall live” so help them to have a great life.

A third deadly assassin that will kill your marriage is lofty expectations. When you get married some people go into marriage thinking it’s going to magically fix everything. Unrealistic expectations will wreck a marriage. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. Two halves don’t make a whole in a marriage. Two wholes make a whole, and only a strong relationship with God can truly fulfill you. The reality is there are peaks and high points in marriage, and then there are lows, struggles, and times of frustration so you just have to make up your mind that it’s “till death do us part.” 

The fourth assassin that will destroy your marriage is manipulation. We go into marriage, and we’re all messed up. In the early years, we will often try to manipulate our spouse with scripture to convince them to change into what we think they should be. But God didn’t give you a mate to be just like you! God made us each unique with our own sets of strengths and weaknesses. No two people are alike, and God doesn’t want your mate to be just like you. He made you different, and they may have some interests that you don’t relate to. But loving all of them means learning to go to some places and do some things that you couldn’t care less about. And who knows? You may surprise yourself and enjoy doing some of these things. You have to make room for individuality in your marriage. Let them be who they are. If all you’re willing to do is what you want to do, your marriage is doomed!   

The good thing is that you are not in this alone. God is the author of marriage, and when your marriage needs a tune-up you just have to go back to the manufacturer!

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